Year The Sixth: Muggle Theatre
by Naissus
Summary: Sirius is swept up into the bizarre world of Hogwarts-style muggle theatre, which also brings him to the strange and wonderful Lily Evans. Remus watches miserably from the sidelines. Beginnings of SBRL and also JPLE.


_The muggle musical I chose is Sweeney Todd, by the way. In case that doesn't become obvious. But this isn't about that, it's about Sirius and Lily and Remus and passion and longing and despair and excitement and possibility. One-shot._

* * *

"**You didn't!" cried Peter.**

**

* * *

**

Peter wrung his hands. James simply burst out laughing. Remus was too polite to laugh but bit his lip, grinning, and waited for an explanation.

"What else could I do?" grumbled Sirius.

"True story, twinkletoes" spluttered James.

"You're right," agreed Remus. "You had to." Their eyes met, and he spluttered too. "Sorry!"

"Oh Padfoot-" gasped James delightedly. "You're going to be On The Stage. Dancing- and- and- _singing_!"

Peter patted James on the back disparagingly, and looked at Sirius. "So there really was no other option? We're going to be the laughing stock of-"

"They were going to kick me out!" cried Sirius hopelessly.

"But they aren't now, are they?" asked Remus.

"No" hissed Sirius, "not if I show dedication to a project and personal fucking development in- in- muggle theatre turned magical- the most obscure thing- fuck, Moony!" Remus offered a sympathetic shoulder squeeze, but then spluttered again. Sirius groaned.

"Oh Sirius. I have to say. This is beautiful."

"This is horrible!" argued Peter.

"This is- the most hilarious thing-" laughed James.

"Thanks mate" said Sirius.

"It's ritual humiliation" whinged Peter.

"You're going to be in charge of fake murder," realised Remus. "McGonagall is doomed. Oh, Sirius. A Sondheim musical. I'm so proud."

"He really is, you know" cackled James. Sirius punched him in the shoulder.

* * *

**I had him. His throat was bare beneath my hand.**

* * *

Good job Sirius. A little further forward. A little further back. Good job. Keep that energy. Even more. Sirius grinned. Teach James to fucking _laugh_. He would show him. This lark is easy. Having the male lead is easy. Hahaa.

No! I had him! His throat was there and he'll never come again-

Sirius certainly paced and posed and looked impressive, but he wasn't really carrying the song by himself. A very talented sixth year alto with no stage presence whatsoever sat above the scenery belting all of Sweeney's big passionate songs, while all Sirius was really required to do was join in with roaring ferociously on cue, while pacing around, maybe attacking a few other actors on the cues, kissing a couple of necks and blades, and several times assaulting Mrs Lovett, Belinda Twinklegrind, a dark, glittering star. Lily Evans was the understudy, who watched Belinda howl out the tortured soul of Mrs Lovett from a face perfectly framed with long black eyelashes, glittering makeup, and long wild hair.

Sirius slumped in her arms. _Easy now, hush love hush._ She crooned it gently and Sirius rested. Like he said, he's got this down, and he looks damn sexy doing it, too. He's very adaptable. He even kind of looked forward to rehearsals.

As an extra, all this closeness with Twinklegrind was definitely making every other bloke jealous, and she was certainly beautiful, although when he really tried to stare at her obscene hemline, he admitted to himself that he really didn't understand what all the fuss was about; he wasn't that interested really, as he watched her heaving about singing as Frank stared, mouth open, and Belinda's wild raven hair fanned around her face. The trick was to get your magic right as well as singing.

Lily's own long thin hair lay submissively against her head as she watched from the uppermost platform and took notes. She was the understudy really only in name. Belinda towered over everyone with her brilliance. Lily was smart, she was pleasant and she could sing, but she hadn't any real spark or passion, Sirius presumed, and passion was really all he had, not talent.

Really Lily's job was to assist choreography of the major scenes and play Lucy, the lost wife, who appeared in only the first ten minutes as a prop and hadn't a single line. She rocked and swayed and looked sickly and feminine in Frank Longbottom's arms, twisting as Belinda sang.

They figured she had to be daft you see, so all of them stood there and laughed you see!

**

* * *

Poor thing. Poor soul!**

* * *

McGonagall pulled Lily aside as she turned up for rehearsal early. It was a week and a half before D-Day.

"Yes, really. I know, I can't believe it either. So- do you know Bell's choreo?"

"I- wrote it" she mumbled, feeling vague.

McGonagall squeezed her panicking breath out with a fierce hug.

"You're a lifesaver. You can do this, right, Lily, sweetie? Oh, what am I saying?"

"_Thank_ you" Lily forced out, appreciating the compliment.

"Of course. There's no one else. Of course you're carrying Mrs Lovett. You've watched Bell practise, haven't you."

"I've followed her every move" ghosted Lily. Truthfully.

"So, you can handle this. I mean, you realise what you're agreeing to?"

"Who else could it be if not me?" she asked.

McGonagall just looked at her. Her stern face was twisted in worry.

Below them in the auditorium, Frank burst out laughing at something with Remus. He was painting the last part of the set, and Remus was organising something with a lot of different papers.

"Looks like that's that, then" Lily admitted bravely.

McGonagall hugged her again.

**

* * *

Wait! What's your rush, what's your hurry?**

* * *

"So guess who Mrs Lovett is?" asked Lily, flopping down on the sofa next to him.

"Bell Knockers Twinkle?" guessed Sirius, wondering why Lily was talking to him outside of rehearsals; they only had a couple scenes together and they were dreamy memories, all mixed up, so not that much straight acting – not that he really had to at all anyway. The whole thing was a mess of magic and lights and smoke and other people singing while he paced around. He barely had to think about anything. Bell was ten feet tall and carried the show. Plus, Lily had always looked down on him disdainfully, treated him as a child.

"Belinda broke her rib and now I'm Mrs Lovett as well and we're essentially doing this whole thing together and I've no idea why I agreed or what I'm doing please say you do," she gabbled.

Sirius sank into the sofa.

**

* * *

Rehearsal was morose.**

* * *

Lily had to be taken through every step of her character. Sirius floundered uselessly without a strong lead.

"I'm good at execution, not planning" he said apologetically. They had been trying to get it for several nights and they had to show something- anything- good enough to prove Sirius had tried hard enough to be allowed to continue his last year and a half at Hogwarts.

"I'm terrible at execution" she moped. "I'll never get this. No one expects me to. Sorry, Sirius" she said, feeling awkward.

"It's okay" he said kindly with a small smile, and put his arm around her. "We're in it together."

"Sorry you were pushed into this" she sighed.

"Sorry you were, too."

"Me too."

Sirius started to laugh, and then she did, and suddenly the tension was broken.

"Okay!" Sirius leapt onto the stage and, striking a fearsome pose, held out a hand for Lily. "Right. The problem is there's so much we don't know where to start. So we'll start on one song, then go on till we come to the end. Then stop."

"Alice in Wonderland. You've _read_ Alice in Wonderland?"

"I've done the next best thing," gabbled Sirius, showing off, "befriended Messerm-er_emus_. Er, he was talking to me about it. Well, quoting. He quotes a lot."

She stared at him for a quick second and then let it go, having bigger problems.

"Alright. So, where do you want to start? It's late, though."

"We live here. We'll tackle one song tonight and get it right. Sound good?"

"Sounds amazing except it won't happen as I can't _fucking_ get any of it."

"Calm down! Look, start on Poor Thing. There was a barber and his wife. You can sing this one." Sirius was gallivanting about the stage breathlessly by this point, aiming a plastic sword at various invisible foes and slitting several invisible throats. "You sing it really well, Lily. Come on. We have to get moving!" and he ran his sword through invisible Snivellus twice.

Lily sat on the edge of the stage and looked at her dangling feet. Belinda flashed through her mind in this one, beginning with Sirius near the back of the stage, then leaving him attached to the chair and having to watch as she sang the brilliant song that killed Lucy, who was Lily. Now, Lily was both. She ignored her place on the stage, staring over the edge of it and trying to summon her voice.

There was a barber and his wife. Louder. There was a _barber_ and his _wife_- and her voice had a sweet little ring to it, utterly different from Belinda's powerful, demonic rendition. And he was _beautiful_.

Sirius gasped on cue and fell into the chair behind her. The invisible guy at the booth cast the spell and invisible chains and ties spouted out of the chair, fixing Sirius to it.

A proper artist with a knife, crooned Lily sweetly to her feet. –Artist with a _knife_, she called louder, voice hollow and haunting, getting up and taking her place behind Sirius. He sat still. A _knife_, she sang the loudest, cupping his chin from behind. But they transported him for _life_, and she did imaginary strokes of the blade against Sirius's shaven chin. The idea was using the idea of the barber to show the helplessness of Barker. But the choreography was complicated and suited to the imposing, stunning presence of Bell. And he was _beautiful_.

Lily sang each line at least twice, three times, doing each movement clumsily and repeating it until it was spot on time. Most of them were in torment of the trapped Sirius, her in front of him. Sirius sat still, nothing more than a glorified prop in this scene. He swished his head from side to side on cue.

'E 'ad this _wife_, you see, pretty little _fing_, silly little _nit_. She ruined each _t_ in a perfect London accent. Sirius watched in quiet accomplishment. She's practised this in front of the mirror. Adder chance for the _moon_ on a _string_: poor fing. Poor fing.

Poor fing. Poor fing. Sirius nodded along. The beadle called on her all polite, all contrite, 'er dreadful plight, 'is 'ouse tonight. Her voice reached for the high notes and she missed a couple. Her hands reached for the motions and she looked a little odd. But with time to just work it out by herself she was at least improving.

Do it all again, Lily. All the way to the end.

**

* * *

You're doing it. Poor fing. Poor fing!**

* * *

Three hours later, Remus wandered in looking for Sirius. He found him sitting in the front row, watching Lily. Lily was at the front of the stage, howling at the top of her voice, twisting and thrashing wildly, controlling the magic that illuminated the stage. The effect was quite haunting.

'E was there, all right!

_Only not so contrite!_

Poor fing. Poor soul. She then wept, sinking to the floor. Sirius waved the lights down. Lily's good, thought Sirius. Lily's rough and unpolished, but Lily's really good. He should fix her up with James.

"Sirius? There you are! It's two in the morning. What have you been doing?"

But he saw. Sirius was falling in love with his own frequent study partner and friend, Lily Evans, the sudden new star of his stupid wankering play. _Sorry Sondheim, didn't mean it_, his head muttered quickly to itself.

"You were amazing" bubbled Sirius, hugging her tight. "Practise it." Remus just stared at her for a second, forgetting his manners.

Lily felt suddenly very awkward in front of the two of them. Thanks, Sirius. Thanks for forcing me to sing. Thanks for being so patient. Thanks for caring. She pulled his hand off her shoulder and hurried away, flashing them both a grin over her shoulder.

"What?" asked Sirius.

"Nothing. She's good, Sirius, she's really good." Both their gazes followed her lean little figure as she hurried away.

* * *

"**Oh, I know" smiled Sirius proudly.**

* * *

The night before they were due to perform to the school, Sirius used his rehearsal break to quickly finish his coffee and then go and see Moony. He had been especially down this week, even despite the swelling moon. Sirius had spent nearly every waking moment with Lily working out how they were going to pull this off, using the empty hall at nights to work out their duets and days to teach the few others what they wanted doing, and how to pull it off.

(McGonagall was fading out of rehearsals. Sirius didn't realise that she'd already seen enough to allow him a second (twentieth) chance. She'd peep in occasionally, to see Sirius roughly grab another actor in demonstration, or Lily coach another female vocalist, and she'd wink at no one in particular.)

"Moony"

"Sirius."

"_What?_"

"What?" he cried, defensively.

Sirius sighed. Poor Moony. The moon watches and watches him. And sometimes it grabs hold. It slips into his veins and _hurts_ him, twists him from the inside, even when he's still a human boy. It's when the moon is approaching and he knows and it nibbles away at him and he turns around and suddenly the moon is on him again. And he's promised himself next time he'll be ready and again, he isn't. And he'll cry or go silent or be passive aggressive and Remus, quiet, mischievous, witty, interesting Remus slips away, it's snappy, sulky, circular conversation.

It doesn't make sense in Sirius's head, like if you turned up at your bed exhaustedly and it was made of broken glass. Or a dream where everyone is playing Quidditch in elaborate costume. Because it's the moon: it isn't him. His small trapped body can't fight it off when he's fighting some other internal battle. And it makes Sirius wonder and ache with helplessness.

"Moony- don't even say Sirius, I will freak out. I'm so stressed. What's wrong? I can't concentrate."

"Poor thing" sniffed Remus, unaware of the irony, staring out of the window. Sirius shoved his legs off and squeezed in next to him. So Remus tried to stare at his hands, but after a second or two he drooped sadly and rested his head on Sirius's beloved shoulder. "Are you going to go out with Lily Evans, then?"

"What?" said Sirius again, stiffening.

"Nothing." He almost shouted it. "Was just wondering. Because, you know, you normally tell me stuff, you know, excitedly, as soon as it happens, and you haven't, you know."

"Do you realise you just said _you know_ like four times?" asked Sirius gently. He put his arm around his treasured friend, and the bottoms of his mouth drooped. "Poor Moony. Want me to stay here?"

"I'm not a fucking child, Sirius" he spat. "Go and practise."

"Fine" he said quietly.

"Sorry."

"I know. It's okay. Go easy on yourself, Moony." And he hugged him tight, digging his face into Remus's neck. Remus breathed in his smell deeply, and a couple of tears dribbled down his face.

"Alright, Padfoot," he said in a small voice. Sirius's fingers slid through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck firmly a couple of times, to comfort him. He pretended to be tired.

"Go to slee-p" advised Sirius as he left, the word _sleep_ coming out weird like it wasn't the end of the sentence. Remus curled up tighter on the windowsill, staring at the huge moon, and still breathing deeply as if trying to catch a hint of the lingering smell of coffee and ache. Sirius gloomily pattered down the stairs, thinking of his friend, crying gently for no real reason at all, all alone in the dorm, refusing any company because they might just end up pitying him.

**

* * *

It was incredible.**

* * *

Sirius was elated. Lily was pulsing, pounding nerve. They were unpolished and imperfect. But it seemed that suddenly Lily was good at execution too. For all the problems, they were pulling it off on that sheer nerve. The other three Marauders sat in the audience with the rest of the school.

There's a _hole_ in the _world_ like a great black _pit_. Sirius was storming forward. James's mouth was open, his eyes flitting, following Lily. Remus went white. Sirius's form was magnificent. And it's filled-with-_people_ who are filled-with-_shit_. He was tensed firm on the edge of the stage, eyes dark and glittering. Like a madman. Remus cringed in his seat. And the vermin of the world inhabit it-

But not for _long_... Sirius roared along with the alto. He was white and shaking. The ferocious note lingered and throbbed in the foggy air. The school was still and in the night before the full moon, something magicer than magic was hanging around in the air. The whole of Hogwarts suddenly cared about this bizarre muggle theatre, embellished with showy, flashy magic. Sirius reached out wide with tensed, curved arms, grabbing the music and thrusting it forwards into the audience. Smoke and lights curled delightedly around him, licking up his trousers and whitely surrounding his body.

Remus's lips were pressed together in a rigid line. He was possibly- no. But he was. He could feel it. Perhaps- getting hard. Oh. Definately. He shuffled uncomfortably, panicking that it showed, and only serving to enhance it. Ohgod. Stopstopstop.

It went on and on. Lily was barely upright for two seconds before she was on the floor screaming or being dragged somewhere bawling or clinging to Sirius howling. Sirius grinned like a crazy person and did his crazy person mime stabbing and slitting. Remus thought to himself maybe Sirius was still just play-acting like he did with James every single fucking night. You never can tell when Sirius is serious and when he's just playing the game.

Mrs Lovett how I've lived without you all these years I'll never know!

Think about it!

Mimes walzed as Sirius, Lily, and several others sat at the front of the stage, Lily singing like a lark and Sirius singing too- quite well despite its source.

How delectable! Also undetectable! How choice! How rare!

Sirius and Lily wrapped their arms around each other and they peered into the audience, pantomime, both panting.

Oh, whats the sound of the world out there? Lily looked up adoringly at Sirius – her hands, on his chest, and on his waist. What Mister Todd, what Mister Todd, what is that sound?

James gripped Remus's arm hard, digging his fingers in painfully – this is the Lily who he's been bloody non-stop about for weeks. Sirius shoved her away and paced menacingly. Lily sidled up to Sirius, and he suddenly cradled her. Sweeney was as unpredictable as Remus this night before this full moon. Those crunching noises pervading the air! Sirius roared it with his eyes gleaming.

"I'm about to pervade someone soon" growled James. Remus would have said something, but he wouldn't even have heard him. Poor old Prongs. His face was actually green-tinged.

Yes Mister Todd, Yes Mister Todd, yes all around! Lily trilled it beautifully. She was no Bell, but then Bell was no Lily Evans. Draped in Sirius's lap in the centre of the stage, they were more Sweeney and Lovett than Sirius and Lily.

It's _man_ devouring _man_, my dear!

So who are we-, they both sang together. Thomas the alto was singing too. The two spare Mrs Lovett's were singing. They were all slightly out of time, an effect really organised by Thomas. It was so haunting. Sirius for some reason thought of Moony transforming. That's what was giving him the passion. So who are we _to deny it in here?_ Sirius leapt up with delight from their new plan to murder and cook humans.

As the play rolled on, James turned greener, Moony turned whiter, and Peter turned pinker. Peter gazed at the remaining two, eyes locked on to the stage, and thought privately they were not well representing the noble name of Marauder.

**

* * *

Sirius personally sang an encore to his knives.**

* * *

You there my friend, come let me hold you, now, ooh mister Todd, warm in my hand.

Sirius was taut, in the middle of the stage. Lily was singing from backstage. Sirius grinned wickedly at the audience, and gazed tenderly at the blades. He held them to his stomach, he kissed them, he leapt around holding them, he pretended to swordfight with them, he tenderly stroked them. Remus sat quite still and got another erection. This time, it wasn't going away.

Lily sang so beautifully: oh, you're warm in-my-hand. And over the top of her, Sirius and Thomas: You're warm, in my _hand_.

"Are you alright?" hissed James, agitated.

"Yes" squeaked Remus, squirming.

My _lucky _friend!

Remus squeezed his eyes shut and sweat ran into them. Even Sirius's voice irritated it. Moving made it worse. So long as he kept his eyes closed and didn't think about the reason, waves of delicious pleasure washed over him with no real damage. But. Ohgod. Staying still wasn't going to work.

Sirius's wicked crafty smile gleamed out through the school. About to cut another metaphorical throat, he held the knife between his teeth and grinned wolfishly, winking in the vague direction of the Marauders.

**

* * *

Remus ran out of the hall.**

* * *

When he returned, Lily was singing again. Ooh, mister Todd. She was planting mad kisses on the side of Sirius's unbothered face. Poor James must be having an aneurism. Much relieved and pretty shaken, Remus sidled back to his seat and patted James on the hand. Having first washed his own.

"Bet you kind of regret laughing now" Remus offered casually, and dodged the swipe.

But when they 'married' and Lily grabbed Sirius, Remus was not laughing either.

_Oh, a seaside wedding could be devised. Me rumpled bedding legitimised_! Lily winked and cackled and pressed herself against Sirius. Half of the school gripped the sides of their chairs, each watching avidly, wishing desperately that he were Sweeney.

Remus was barely listening. He stared at Sirius breathlessly. The whole thing dissolved into a jumble of stuff. Lily singing, wildly like a mad person on drugs, dancing and being a puppet, cavorting all over the stage. Sirius bellowing and roaring, pacing. The constant magical explosions, the dust and mist, the fog and sparkles, the makeup, Sirius.

He wanted to throw up. He sweated and felt dizzy. But James was there. James led him out afterwards, their voices ringing in their ears.

"I'm gonna get Sirius. Wait here. We'll bring him back and have all this- horrible thing- over." Remus nodded, dazed. They stared at each other, exhausted, and bumped fists. Solidarity between the two unwanted ones.

He didn't wait when James hurried into the crowd to drag a now-unbearable Sirius out. He wandered around the castle the longest way back to the dorm, past the old equipment shed. Half an hour ago, and he'd been here. He'd been imagining his best friend. Well, no, of course James was his best friend. Sirius- was in an entirely different category that he'd never quite realised. Hrm. Right, then.

**

* * *

He felt sick, pushing down the rage with cold despair.**

* * *

"CALM THE LADIES! QUIET THEIR FEARS. AND QUIET PRONGS AND PETER TOO, THOSE SAUCY MINXES-" bellowed Sirius, bounding into the dorm. Remus looked up at him, nausea rising. Sirius fluttered his eyelashes flirtily and leapt onto Remus.

"Did you see me? Did you?"

"Think I did" he admitted weakly.

"Was I pulse-pounding; was I magnificent; was I sensational?"

"You were."

"Think I waaaas!" he trilled.

"Oh Merlin, don't sing, they'll think someone's tormenting a Screamer in here" smiled Remus tiredly. It was a phrase used often to describe Sirius's frequent outbursts into bizarre songs. Sirius grabbed his wrists excitedly and held him down. "You NEVER are allowed to berate me again for my marvellous voice!"

"Merlin, it returns" sighed James, wandering through the doors trailed by Peter.

"_PRONGS_" screeched Remus. Sirius had him pinned down on the bed and was tickling him.

"Can't help you, mate" said James dispassionately, wandering into the bathroom (not trailed by Peter), and Remus screeched indignantly at this lack of solidarity as he tried to beat Sirius off.

"HOPE LILY SHAGS SNIVELLUS YOU BASTARD!" he shrieked, squirming violently against Sirius's prying fingers. Sirius, still wearing Sweeney's waistcoat and ensemble and feeling pretty much hysterical, very nearly leaned down and _kissed him _in the frenzy of blows and struggling but then managed to turn it into blowing his hair into his face.

By the time James returned Sirius had a reddening mark on his cheek and Remus was curled up happily next to him, reading a thick book. Sirius was sulking.

"Don't look at _me_" laughed James.

"Oh, you love me" sighed Sirius. "You'll realise it soon enough, Potter. Your love for me will be your undoing."

"Presumptuous, _Black_" muttered James, but he smiled.

"Oh, Potter" said Sirius fondly. They had taken to often using last names; they both felt it was more distinguished. "You've missed me, I know. You will love me extra when I tell you, though." And he bounded over to James, _exactly _an excited puppy but in human form.

"Tell me what?"

"Oh, I don't know. Something or other I did that involves you."

"Don't care."

"Oh. I'll just tell Lily so, then. Shame really, I mean half the school wants to fuck her now-"

The scuffle that followed reminded James that Sirius, especially when almost delirious with excitement, is in fact stronger than him, and that he shouldn't ever break solidarity with Moony.

**

* * *

And then two and a half weeks later, James was off to Hogsmeade with Lily.**

* * *

"Will you look at that" sighed Remus, astonished.

"I might look at it" said Sirius mysteriously. He put his arm companionably around Remus. "I might very well look at it." And they both stared at the odd pair through the dirty window of the Three Broomsticks. James slipped his fingers through Lily's as they walked down the road and she didn't hex him. Through the window they saw Peter and Frank wolf whistle. James ignored them. Lily looked quickly, went pink and giggled.

"One small step for James" breathed Moony, smiling and watching in wonder as he drained the last of his butterbeer.

"Mm" agreed Sirius expressively, shuffling closer and blowing a sudden raspberry on Remus's neck. He shrieked, and Sirius stuffed his gloved fingers over his mouth.

"Shh!"

"What's _wrong_ with you!" berated Remus. Sirius drummed his fingers over his stomach happily, making him squirm ticklishly even more. "What are you doing?" he hissed nervously.

"Oh, I don't know" mused Sirius blissfully, stretching. "I don't really know anything about anything I do." Sirius grabbed Remus by the arm and dragged him out into the snow. "You're really beautiful when you're oblivious, did you know, Moony" grinned Sirius wickedly, winked, and slipped into the crowd.

_Fin?_

**

* * *

**_So. There it is._

_I've decided not to add anything else onto this. It's been too long since I wrote it, and I like this ending._

_So yeah. Reviews are of course hugely appreciated, if you fancy it. :)_


End file.
